Numb

Too tired to feel anything , anymore. Few things i have realized into residency
1. I hate to eat alone.
2.I hate to come to an empty house
3.This was not what i had wanted, but unluckily there is nothing else i want.

My Happy Ending

Life seldom goes the way we plan. Honestly that is the best part about living.
Our story unfolds a bit everyday. It is never the way we thought it would be. We fall in love harder than we thought was possible, we laugh till our belly hurts, we cry over feelings we never knew were in our hearts. We fail badly at number of things and succeed at quite a number. And then there are moments, which make life perfect.
Where we don’t want anything more, because reality is better than our dreams.
Dreams are limited by our imagination. Truth is indeed stranger than fiction.
Living my best life now. It doesn’t get better than this. In love with my life J

Everyone keeps on saying come to the “Real World”. So what does the Real World mean? I mean what is there to learn. Learn to be paranoid, to distrust people. Get into ditching and bitching. Not believing in Love, not investing in Friendships. Not being there when you are needed. Bull shit!!!!

Sorry, I am crazy. And guess what, I like it this way. I am happy out of this so called “Real World”. I am happy in “My” world. So this blog is dedicated to all those confused souls trying to make a place in this real world.
Seriously, I don’t care about the real thing. I am so happy in my fairytale. Life is challenging right now. But I have things to look forward to. Deep down inside all of us are just same. All we need is work we enjoy, someone we love and something to hope for.

What? I don't know. I don't do failure. Meredith and I don't fail things, this isn't in my book."
Greys Anatomy

I was just updating my ipod with some new music when i realized my taste in music has changed so much over the years. There was a time when i used to get lost in the lyrics and feel the magic. Now i like the music with beats loud enough not to let me hear the words.
From being in love with love stories to new found fascination for thrillers, from sitting and reading a book to going outdoors I have come a long way.
Some things never change some things do.

Best things in the world-

Hugging and sleeping with mom
Holding a baby in arms
Getting an unexpected call from someone i love
Snowfall
26” waist
Live in jeans
Phone
Medicine
A cup of coffee at 10 pm
A compliment out of blue
Sunrise
A good romantic novel
A song with feelings
Favorite coffee mug
Old pictures of good times
Scrapbook with gibberish
Winning
Hope
Love
Peace

There is so much to write..so many things have happened.
USMLE, Mom's recent heart attack,Didi's pre-eclampsia and GDM , Nonu's admission in NICU.
I am tired emotionally. Seriously. I need time. And a few friends , friends who are near.
I fail to understand why i m so stressed up. I shouldnt be. Life is fine , as planned. Something is bothering me , and i dont know what exactly.
Step 3 is on 12 feb...i am screwed up big time. But i am going to make it, like always. I like to study and the feeling i might save someone someday due to my knowledge keeps me going.
USMLE started as an escape , from things i didnt want to face. I ran away , for good.
But i have come a long way. I have come to terms with lots of things in life.
After i write my step 3 , i will spend sometime thinking. Thinking my vision in life, what i really want.
And i will write about few things i havent written before..few bad days of my life.
Few things which broke my heart . I have to let it go . I need to come out of denial.
Denial is not an escape..the best way through the pain is through.
I can be a workaholic , and not feel anything. But cant stop being a human.
I miss sunshine. I miss me.
There are few things i m trying to do , like being organized in life.Like not making excuses, saying No at the right times, cutting lose the ones not worth it.
And most important, not taking myself seriously.

Status Update

What is on my mind facebook?
“Facebook is dead”

Spending a hell lot of time on social networking sites, I m leaving them now .
Okay, so like every one I know it is useless and wastage of time. But still somehow I would find time for going online.

How it started? Beginning of college, I thought they were cool. It was so good to run into old friends, getting to know where they were. Somehow it became a regular part of life, especially when I started studying online. It was convenient to just browse and see people, then going for a walk on the study break. First it was leisure, and then it turned into a habit and now to addiction.

Lately I m bored of it and I honestly think it is not worth it. So when every Tom dick and Harry is on facebook, I am just going to count the things I think are not cool about it.

So I understand we are from the same city, went to the same high school and may be college. I didn’t know you exist. And you never said Hi to me too. So why bother now, why do you need to add me as a friend. We don’t care about each other, and guess what I like it that way.

So we were friends in past, May be really good friends. And all those years we didn’t stay in touch. Why bother now? There is a reason why people don’t make it to your present, and that should be respected. If you really miss me, just find out my number and give me a call.” Hi! How have u been?” doesn’t work. The only answer you are going to get is “I am good” …and that is going to be a lie. Why add all that plastic and fakeness to what we had. Cherished memories should be left the way they are, beautiful and real.

My life is small, simple and real, far from interesting. The best part about it is my friends…and those friends already know what is happening with me.
If we need to know what is happening in each others lives by the status updates…seriously we aren’t part of each others lives at all. So may be it is time rather than reading the updates, I call that friend I m missing and you call yours.

If , I care about you. I would remember your birthday without the facebook reminders.
And I will give you a call or make sure to greet you in person if possible. I will like for you to do the so.


To sum up, I am leaving the virtual world. I will rather go for a walk and meet you on the way. If you want to be a part of my real world, I know you will find me 

This is for USMLE people . My resolution this year is to stay away from USMLE , So i thought may be i should write the last post on it. This has been my life for last 2 years. Started studying on jan 1st 2009.Syudies, exams, travelling, red tapism , awful paper work, Personal statement , Refrences it was a hell lot of things.
Lessons from Match 2010-
1. It is not the easy way- Dont try this if you think it is an escape from AIPGE. Trust me it is worse.
2.Believe you only need one spot. There must be a program who is looking for a candidate just like you. Be your best.
3.Whole profile matters- scores ,work experiences{active }, great letters, publications , an inspiring well written profound PS,impressive as well as genuine application, strategic list of places to apply, on time certification. You need everything .Try to build the best profile you can. Double 99 is a good base no doubt but you need more than that to match.
4.Inreview is a place to feel natural and relaxed. The more calm , comforting , confident you are ,better the chances. Beggars are not what US system needs or wants.
If you deserve it you will get it.
5.It is a long journey and you need lot of support system
6. At the end of the day it is worth the effort , time and money..Go for it.
But it is never worth leaving your loved ones behind ..So choose wisely.
Have a plan for your future and family too..you never realize how far you will come once the journey is over.